Monday, March 9, 2009


I had had it! It was time to choose, and I had to do it quickly. It was either here in this smoke-filled hotel room with 20 or so animals I knew and could control, or out there on the mean streets of Las Vegas, where the savages roamed at free will. I gathered what was left of my wits and did the next best thing. I started drinking immediately.

"What are you doing?" I heard someone scream. "Where are we going?"
The question wasn't directed at me, but I answered anyway, to no one in particular. "I don't know, but let's go faster!"

A double shot of Jim Bean here. A triple whiskey there. I waited, and waited, but still I didn't feel anything. Fuck! This was no good. I silently cursed myself for eating so much at that damn buffet, I should have known this would happen! The only remedy was to drink more, and faster. I grabbed a bottle of Jagger and began chugging. I was chasing Jack Daniels with Jaggermeister, consuming liquor as fast as humanly possible. I polished off what was left of the fifth of vodka. Still, nothing. I kept drinking.

Suddenly I had to pee, urgently. I staggered to the toilet, and sat there silently contemplating my madness in between swigs of more Jack. And then finally, it happened. I was drunk.